Trauma Healing : Where to begin?

What do you think when you hear the word trauma ?

How does it make you feel when you think of something traumatic ?

Most of people think trauma only has to do with extreme wounds such as terrible accident or domestic abuse or rape . That’s why , they might not realise that certain behaviours are actually a trauma response, because in their mind they think; “well nothing happened to me in the past” or "I had a normal childhood” or “I don't have a bad relationship with my family”.

Trauma does not only occur in those specific situations. Any circumstances that eliminate us to express and regulate our emotional needs could be a traumatising experience !

For example in my culture (Iran) if a boy cries, it is a shameful behaviour and often parents tell their little boys to not cry because its embarrassing !

Now crying is a normal emotional response to sadness but if you grow up with a 'norm' that doesn't allow you to express and regulate that emotion, what do you think happens to that emotion? Does it disappear ? Does it fade ? Does it go away ?

No, it stores in the body ! Which means your body will hold on to this feeling and will be threatened every time that you experience the feeling! So if the boy who has been shamed for crying, gets triggered by sadness, he will automatically feel threatened of being ashamed again.

Healing unresolved emotional trauma has to start with understanding our autonomic nervous system. Our nervous system is made of two parts, parasympathetic nervous system which is responsible for regulating our emotions and sympathetic nervous system which reacts towards threats and danger with four different responses; fight, flight, freeze and fawn.

The classic Example

Let's imagine you are walking in the forest and you see a big scary big bear !

What is your response ?

Fight : This type of response involves aggression and anger. Basically you fight back to protect yourself, either with physical attack or verbal abuse.

Flight : The run for your life kind of technique. This response could be that you physically remove yourself from the situation or mentally block yourself from thinking about it.

Freeze : This response makes you feel numbed and almost paralysed from what's happening to you. You can't move or speak to defend yourself. You basically freeze!

Fawn : This response looks like a smart move but its actually more dangerous. It is when you start to engage and seek safety and comfort from the bear ( from the person who is making you feel threatened )

In Reality..

So when you find yourself in threatening situations you tend to react impulsively instead of consciously acting. for instance , yelling and getting angry (fight), crying or running away from uncomfortable situations (flight), or becoming numb and paralysed (freeze), your sympathetic nervous system is activated and responding!

To heal unresolved trauma that is held in our body we need to learn how to calm our nervous system and shift from sympathetic to parasympathetic activation gradually.

Here are few simple ways to do so :

Deep Breathing : I know you have heard this over and over again and you might still think its so cliche but believe it or not this is scientifically proven to be one of the best ways to relax and calm your nervous system. Think about it, you need oxygen to pump your heart and when your sympathetic nervous system activated, your heart will pump faster... only way to bring your heart rate back to normal is to give it enough oxygen. Doesn't that make sense ?

Sensory Activation : Since the body feels threatened and it is tensed you need to bring the focus back to calming and safety. By using your sensory-motor skills. One of the ways to do so is to simply rub your hands together. Its a self-soothing technique whereby you focus on your hands and the sensation of your hands touching each other. Another way is so pet an animal or touch a soft object. Swimming and getting in the water is another amazing way to feel relaxed though body sensation.

Mindfulness Meditation : Mindfulness meditations are great way to bring back focus to the present moment. It’s a way of calming yourself through increasing the activity of parasympathetic nervous system. 5 mins meditation can bring your body a sense of safety and comfort. Mindfulness does not mean to sit down and force yourself to not think of anything, but to redirect your thoughts gently to the present moment and focus on your breathing. The key to successful mindfulness meditation is to be kind and accepting towards yourself.

Take Cold Shower : Cold showers acts like a restart method whereby your body gets out of the shock and restarts to regulate itself normally. Thats because the cold water help the body to produce Endorphins which is a crucial factor in feeling relaxed and calm.

Do you have any other techniques that helps you calm your nervous system ? feel free to share with us in the comment section.

If you have any questions and help with calming your nervous system, get in touch with me here

Happy Healing !