I have tested positive for covid 2 weeks ago and started quarantining right away! Physically, I do not have severe symptoms, thanks to vaccines my body is holding up pretty well. However, while my body is fighting the virus, I have to take rest, drink lots of fluid and keep myself sane. This is where I am actually struggling; I realised that whenever I take a nap or just stay in bed, I feel guilty. I have this weird feeling that tells me, I could have done so much more work instead of just laying here on bed. Especially now that I have started my new business, I feel like I am wasting my time resting. Have you ever had similar feelings when you are resting?
This also reminds me of few of my clients who have trouble with taking breaks from their hectic work and refuse to take rest. But I am their therapist/coach. How could I encourage them to allow themselves to take rest, while I feel guilty of it myself!
The good news is that I don't blame myself for being a human who has feelings even though I am a therapist/coach myself. Instead, I use my knowledge and experience in what I have learned about human psychology to help myself and my clients to handle the situation. Which I am more than happy to share with you here.
What is going on inside ?
If you have read my previous blog, I wrote about negative emotions and their connection to our negative belief system. A negative belief system is a big pile of thoughts about our bad experiences in the past. These thoughts warn us about possible threats and danger to our survival. Once a negative thought connects to a negative emotion we might automatically think that we are in danger. Our nervous system becomes tense and we become anxious and restless. We feel like we have to act up and do something to save ourselves from that negative thought. When I feel guilty for resting, I understand that the guilt is just a feeling that is activated due to a thought in my negative thought and I am falling in the trap again.The negative cycle trap goes something like the diagram below.
So here is what I do to process the guilt and regulate it:
I take a deep breath and let that guilt take over my body.
I connect to it and allow it to be present with me
I pay attention to it and Listen to what its trying to tell me
Usually it is related to my negative belief system, for example; I am a failure which then leads me to think that I need to work harder to avoid becoming a failure, hence feeling guilty for resting.
Then I go ahead and take few more deep breaths while I stay with the guilt and embrace it.
I am now aware what is the underlying reason for my guilt
Awareness gives me strength and power to take control
I proceed with assessing that negative thought and challenging its reliability ( most of the times our negative thoughts are about past experiences and do not fit with our present reality. If I have failed few times in the past, that does not mean I will be failing again. I have gained knowledge and learned new skills from each experience)
Once I have enough reason to believe that I am safe and nothing is threatening me,
I assure myself that I am allowed to take rest even though I have experienced a negative feeling about it.
Now I understand if you have never done any exercise like this, it may sound complicated and overwhelming. That is why I have also created this video so you can come back here and practice it with me anytime you want.
By doing this exercise I am conscious of my mind, body and emotions. I am allowing and accepting any reaction in my body without fighting it. Emotional regulation requires self-compassion and understanding. It's about taking your time, paying attention and deliberately taking control. Once you get a hang of it, negative feelings would not bother you longer than you allow it.
Happy Healing
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