We often feel stuck when we are dealing with some sort of inner conflict. An inner conflict is a fight between what you feel vs what you think about a situation. for example you have a goal in your life and your mind pushes you towards taking actions and investing your time and energy on it. But your emotions may feel different about the situation. It could tell you what if things go wrong or what if you become failure. The more your mind pushes you, the more your emotions pull you. Therefore you feel stuck because they both require your attention. So what do you do ? Who wins this battle ? If you ignore your emotions, you are actually suppressing them in your subconscious and we know that whatever is suppressed, it will come back to us in forms of self destruction. If you only pay attention to your emotions, well, you may procrastinate and end up giving up on your goal.Is it possible to pay attention to both ? It goes back to how we perceive emotions and how do we handle it.
In trauma-work, we learn that our negative emotions are associated to a negative belief system. This negative belief system activates a warning in our brain and makes us believe we are in danger. Therefore feeling a negative emotions becomes a threat. During an inner conflict, usually we feel stuck because we don't know what to do with the emotion because we perceive the emotion as our enemy and we are trying to get rid of it. However, we can't get rid of something that is part of our human nature. On the other hand, since we can't get rid of it we tend to identifying ourself with it and believe that our feelings are our entire reality.
The truth is that as human beings we are multidimensional and complex. We go through various experiences in life that depending on our mental and emotional state, hormones and environment, we perceive each experience differently. Each of these experiences give us different feelings. and that's okay. that's normal. As human beings we are wired to have different emotions and these emotions are different for everyone. There are no right or wrong feelings. They really are just a biological reaction to a particular situation. As simple as you see food and you may feel hungry if you haven't eaten.
Become an observant
When you begin to understand your emotions and accept them as parts of our human nature, you will slowly learn that you are not your emotions. This is where you need to actively separate your emotions from your thoughts and remind yourself that you are a human being with feelings. When you start to look at the emotion as a simple way that your body is reacting to the situation, it doesn't have to pull you back to get your attention anymore. Because you are accepting it. You are addressing it. You can feel a certain way and still continue with what you are supposed to do. All you need to do is experience the emotion and set it free.
Here is an example of feeling the emotion and setting it free.
"I am afraid of failure but that doesn't mean I am a coward. I feel this way because this is a new experience and my body is not familiar to it. Therefore it reacts with fear! That is just how I am reacting to the situation right now but that is not my entire reality. I also know I have strength, I have skills and I trust myself for going through this process."
With this self-affirmation technique, you are paying attention to both your feelings and your mind without tearing yourself apart. You accept that you have negative feelings towards the situation but at the same time you decide to move forward with it. It is an intentional and conscious decision that you have the power to make.
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